Move Through Feelings

Feelings act as a guidepost for what works and what doesn’t work in life. They’re like our compass indicating which way we should guide the elephant to go on the ride. When you notice that your feelings are overcoming your ability to think, just notice it. You will get better at noticing when your feelings are overcoming you. This in itself is a step forward. Then let your logic kick in and think about what the feeling is about.

If you feel disappointed, for example, look at what expectations you set up for yourself to be disappointed. Disappointment is all about a fantasy that we create in our minds about how we thought things were going to be. Often we think that others should have done or said something or that circumstances should have been different. This is based on our own idea of how other people should behave. You may think, “Well, I never would do that.” That’s true. But the other person did. And that’s that. Everyone has their own opinion of what to do or not do in a situation. Everyone’s own opinions and behaviors make complete sense to her/him. It’s critical to remember that the only thing we have control over is ourselves. When we go with the flow and are accepting of things for how they are and how they aren’t, we curb the likelihood that we will be disappointed.

At the same time, remember that our fantastical minds can trick us into thinking that things could always be better than what they are. Another couple may appear to have a rock-solid relationship in public, but we don’t always know what goes on behind closed doors. Be grateful for what you have in life. Look at how things are and how things aren’t. Practice identifying and embracing the “glass is half full” perspective based exactly on how things are and how things aren’t. Set aside wishes, expectations, and stories that life could or should be “better.”



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