Move Through Feelings, Continued
When you feel hurt by something someone has said, look at the truth you see in what they’ve said. When something that someone else says stings, it often means that it has hit a grain of truth within you that you identify with. You need to look within you to know what it is you’re questioning, uncertain, or unconfident about in yourself.
I used to react when a close family member would inform me that I wasn’t being a good mom and give me all of the reasons why s/he thought I was letting the children and her/him down. This person had a tendency to be very direct in her/his comments. I was crippled by the criticism and drowning in the intensity of my emotions. The truth was, which took me a few years to face, I myself was doubting my abilities and success as a mother. I was working full-time, travelling with work, taking on new business commitments, and the kids were young. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I had to take a good look. Facing the true state of my life wasn’t easy, and creating a complete transformation in my life in the following years wasn’t easy, either. But after I had turned my relationship with myself and my relationship with the kids around, when the close family member tried to criticize me as a mother years later, I could look at her/him straight in the eye with full confidence and assertiveness and say, “That’s not true.”
When you choose to be hurt and angry, you’re letting the other person hurt you and you’re losing your energy. If you choose to get over it and move forward, you’re taking care of yourself because you’re not wasting energy on the situation. (It should be noted that this doesn’t necessarily apply to physical or emotional abuse. Further, there are different opinions on where the line is when a situation becomes abusive.)
A powerful relationship to one’s feelings can result in creating a newfound level of peace and ease in life. We can practice honoring the feelings and then moving forward. Rather than fighting with ourselves internally, we can learn to recognize the feelings that come up, consider the reasons for the feelings, and keep ourselves on track to living purposefully.
As you may have already recognized, this section could be a book in and of itself. Feelings—and our relationship to them—are a complex phenomenon. For an insightful and thorough exploration of feelings and how to be with them in a powerful way, check out Karla McLaren’s book The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You.
- Art by ‘Yours Truly, Art‘